(this post was first pubished on the blog annieinwonderland during 2022 and has been edited to make the reader more aware of the context of the content)
So this is a clip is in the 3rd season of Shadowhunter and it is quite an emotional episode, as it shows in a very real way how masking can play out. Hiding the emotions from people who care about you and not letting them in because of how they will react to the point it can make you sick and this is exactly what happened with Magnus he was so lost without his magic that he made some questionable decisions around his life.
He traded his magic to save Jace for Alec and it came at a massive cost to Magnus in asking his father for help and his father being a prince of hell the cost to save Jace was Magnus's magic, this made him mortal and it was a whole different world to him. Given Alec and this relationship with Jace is equivalent to a best friend, bound by a blood oath they are forbidden from falling in love because then they would carry out the wrath of God as the word is at its core a Judeo-Christian religion.
But within that trade the new high warlock of Brooklyn ( Lorenzo Ray) gave Magnus what is a magic transfer yet it made him quite sick, he was lost without what made his life make sense to him. This being his position as the High Warlock of Brooklyn, his relationship with Alec, and his magic.
He traded his apartment for the magic transfer and is facing the fact that he is living where he isn't really welcome or accepted, he is tolerated because of his relationship with Alec. This is quite confronting to Alec as he tried to help but Magnus was so good at masking the pain that he didn't realize how much pain Magnus was in, and in many cases, people who are neurodiverse in real life can end up physically ill due to masking all the time.
I know that I have ended up with a chronic illness due to masking and not really accepting that I have a disability. I live with a TBI so this is why this series and clips that show the reality of masking resonated with me. I am also in a situation that isn't ideal for my age group, I have tried living on my own but due to a very complex situation, with my physical and mental health. I had to essentially live with my parents while navigating the paperwork side of an Australian care program for people with a disability, called the NDIS. Like anything designed by humans, it has, its flaws but these issues are starting to resolve.
It is his relationship with Alec that Magnus sees will get him through this as his magic was intrinsically part of him and this is where I see the parallels with becoming disabled or realizing the severity of your disability as due to my own upbringing I was taught that disability isn't an excuse ( it is a valid reason at times but not an excuse).
Alec takes the blame on himself yet we see in other clips that Magnus actively hides this pain from Alec and goes to his friends for help instead, yet Alec is willing to be here for him and tries to see the pain that Magnus is in he is willing to sit with the pain.
However, this is where life isn't really fair and the replacement high warlock is just as complex as Magnus and is just as judgmental about Alec and Magnus's relationship. The point is that he is willing to exploit the relationship when Magnus goes to him for help, as the cost was his apartment so he can't even work as a healing warlock, as we do see Magnus brewing potions in other episodes.
We see that Lorenzo is essentially threatened by Magnus's power due to him being Asmodeus's son. In this world, he is a prince of one of the hell realms called Edom. So Magnus can unleash and harness massive amounts of magical power. But even with his own magic, we do see him being depleted after using massive amounts of energy. Even in the first series, right through we see bits of Magnus being depleted after saving the Shadowhunters from themselves.
This is another issue in disability as working out how much energy you need to expend as most people with a disability need to work twice as hard to keep up, especially in countries where there aren't great care programs, for people with disabilities or they are forced into "sheltered workshops," or adult day programs. I have been involved in adult day programs and there are both good and bad. Both nourishing and draining.
This is traumatic for everyone around Magnus as life isn't lived in a vacuum and we see in a later clip how Magus sees himself and perceives that Alec fell in love with Magnus the High Warlock of Brooklyn, not Magnus the mundane.
I will do another post on Alec's relationship with Magnus grows them both and challenges the people around them. As Alec is not used to showing emotions and he shows his emotions is a massive level of growth for him and it is in the media that if this show was renewed for the fourth season that they would have explored this relationship, and its relationship to others in the world as well. As they were a background couple but they did steal the show and it wasn't pushed or promoted as a positive diverse representation but was shown as a healthy respectful relationship where it just happened to be to males and the word Gay to my remember wasn't pushed it was painted as the normal struggles of a young gay man and them being accepted and taken seriously.
We see that there is a bit of pushback from the older shadowhunters not due to the fact that Alec is gay but more due to who he is in the relationship with as Magnus has a lot of history and Alec's parent's have a history with Magnus as well, so this makes this relationship's alot more complicated but we see that Alec's mother does come around eventually to seeing the relationship on an equal footing.
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