So this is something that I need to admit to myself and I have been struggling for a while with it being that I am an internet addict, and this is to the point that it’s effecting my mental and physical health and it eventually going to hurt my back pocket, I want to be off the internet as well. However I am seeing that it is replacing real human connection and I feel that I need to take some time to get off the internet as well.
But the issue with me is I don’t drive and I only have 9hrs a week contact time with support staff for I am an addict and that I need help.
I had a very long discussion with my support worker today and we are going to work on really changing my behaviours as well as it is effecting my mental health as I am sitting writing this fatigued and I am wondering how to stop this fatigue as it’s not great for me and me essentially being socially isolated I am a person who needs something to do so to that end I am going to set myself up in my local area to do chores like checking the mail, hanging out the washing, cleaning the bins, walking the dog for the simple reason I need to get out of the house and to be outdoors a lot more than I currently am.
I didn’t realize but did at the same time realize how isolating working online can be so I now see why google and YouTube themselves say to not give up your day job and to have access to a good social network.
As I feel that I am seeking the next dopamine hit from the internet and I do have friends that are in different time zones but I see that this is a very flimsy excuse for me to be on the internet as I have plenty of craft I can be doing and that I am very aware of that I do have the time to work on my craft an to take it to the markets or to watch TV or to even clean as I see that these excuses are exactly that excuses for being on the internet so I am going to continue with the blog but I am going to try to be much more aware of being on my phone and internet and I have come up with a plan for good digital hygiene and I am going to ask my readers to be my accountability buddy’s in dealing with this addiction and seeking the next like and the next self-validation. But getting out into nature and working on grounding myself as well.
I am not limited in my mobility in where I can walk to so I am going to a trial setting myself up as an odd jobs person and to work with my support workers to get into more social situations and to clean a lot better than I am and to have better sleep hygiene as well and to deal with what I am not dealing with and to see what I can do to make it better so I can work, as I would love to be able to be working again by after looking for work for two years I feel that my own micro business is the way to go, and practical but I need to be realistic at the same time.
I am finding that it’s harder as an adult to make friends when you have a disability or aren’t working or caring for someone. I know that my self-worth doesn’t come from working but as my value as a human but I see that this is a massive issue for me that I need to work with that I seek validation from how many people see and read the blog and how much traffic it drives and it then feeds the vicious cycle of me becoming depressed and then not being able to relate to people so I am going to try and work on being off the internet a lot more so this is actively not being on Facebook, Instagram, discord, YouTube and working towards being more social and I am going to start today by having my phone out of my room and working towards being more clean with my unit as well and not depending on a support worker to help me clean.
I also am going to actively seek a co-host for the YouTube and to seek professional help for the addiction as it’s the dopamine hit that I need.
It started innocently enough that I have a neighbour that is loud at night but it’s then evolved into actively searching out clips of actors because I then can’t sleep due to a combination of pain and blue light, and stimulation and I am going to be actively looking for a romantic interest as I have felt that I am unlovable for a very long time but this isn’t the case and I feel that I would be a catch but I need to get out of the house for people to notice me, and to that end after I publish this I am going to put a podcast on and clean my house and then take some afternoon tea down to the local park to eat despite a local heat wave and I am going to look at some volunteering options as well as this would get me into the community a lot more.
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